first time’s a charm

first post, Uncategorized

Some of you might be expecting this first post to be obnoxiously positive. I can’t say I blame you, given the title of the blog. I promise there will be a lot of positive content to come, but first I wanted to be real with you all. I am not positive every second of every day. In fact, last week and the middle of this week contained some of the most negative days I’ve encountered in a while.

Over the past 6 years I’ve been training myself to believe in the notion that happiness is a choice. I’m not the only one, I didn’t coin that phrase, and I certainly didn’t believe that for the majority of my life. Growing up I believed that the world was against me and that most of my external circumstances were the reason for my unhappiness. I spent a lot of time being upset with the world for not giving me what I wanted. I battled depression and had suicidal thoughts and tendencies. There was a point in time where I didn’t leave my house for 6 months and the only thing I wished for was to be dead (I’ll share that story in depth someday). But for now, just know that somehow I was able to snap out of that dark abyss and today I can thank the universe for that experience.

I didn’t recognize until years after that point in my life that I was choosing to live that way. I was choosing to blame the world and choosing to sit in my shit. In fact part of me believes that I actually enjoyed it. Something significant did happen that shook me to my core, removing me from that darkness, but I wasn’t instantly living a [mostly] positive life. Slowly but surely I started incorporating small doses of positivity into my daily routine. I started sharing dozens of positive memes on Facebook, not for others but for myself. I started to work on consciously recognizing the negative thoughts I was having (still working on this).

Small example: I have bad road rage some days and if a person cuts me off, instead of screaming from behind the wheel I will reason with myself, explaining that maybe they have to rush to the hospital or something along those lines.

Monumental example: On days when I don’t feel worthy of anything in this life, or days that I feel sorry for everything I’ve been through (yes, I have those days) I must remind myself that I am worthy, and that I matter. That everything I’ve experienced in this life was meant for a greater purpose.

I started cultivating several other practices that I will continue to share on this platform, along with the days that I struggle. I won’t lie, it’s a lot of work and some days I wish I could magically be able to think positively all of the time, but most days I’m appreciative of the effort it takes to consciously choose a positive life. The latter allows me to keep growing and moving forward on this journey one day at a time.

 

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