envy: a new perspective

dreams, envy, inspiration, jealousy, life, passion, perspective, podcasts, Positive Thinking

envy

I have recently developed a new appreciation for the headlined emotion. I grew up putting a negative connotation on this word, I thought of it as poison, just like the sign states above. However,Β with an open mind, and a suggestion from not one, but two different podcasters, I am now able to see this yucky feeling in a brand new light. So far I’ve heard two episodes on different shows talk about jealousy being a good thing.

One of the podcast channels is Happier with Gretchen Rubin, this woman is AMAZING! I discovered Gretchen through the Vibrant, Happy Women podcast. Gretchen’s was the first story I stumbled upon about finding the courage to leave her career and pursue her passion. I was moved by this story, so naturally I tracked her down and started listening to her own channel. The Labor Day episode #184 is jam packed with experience, questions, knowledge, tips, enlightenment, etc. One thing I found fascinating is when Gretchen’s sister, Elizabeth, brings up a question that you can apply to your work life “Whom do you envy?”. They call it a “know yourself better question”. WHAM. That is some powerful stuff right there.

When we’re jealous of somebody, we’re usually jealous because we want what they have. My earliest memories of jealousy all boil down to that exact statement. I wanted what somebody else had, and early on in life that equated to material objects. I thought shiny things would make me happy, so if you had a shiny thing that I wanted that my parents couldn’t afford, I resented you.

As I grew older my relationship with this certain emotion began to change. I started to cheer on the people that have what I want. I’ll be honest, sometimes my first reaction is still that little twinge of envy. I mean come on, years of treating an emotion one way doesn’t change overnight. The difference now is that once that little twinge pops up I immediately address it and tell it “that’s not who I am today”. Just like that my attitude changes. I believe in empowerment today, cheering someone on for their accomplishments instead of scouring at them from the corner. It’s an amazing feeling behaving this way.

After hearing this suggestion on the show, I started to really ask myself Whom do I envy? I took a look around at the entrepreneurs, the visionaries working hard, being their own boss. The people creating their dreams, pursuing their passions, living their BEST life. These are the people I envy today.Β  These are the people who have helped me realize what my next step in life is going to be. These are the people paving the way, showing me that yes it’s going to be difficult, but it’s sooo going to be worth it. Thank you to each and every one of you.

Unfortunately I am having a tough time remembering the second podcast, I need to start taking notes! I’m usually listening on my morning commute, so I don’t have the means to jot it down in the moment. I will work on finding a solution. I will also report back when I find that episode. Until then, thank you all for reading.

Before you go, I’m curious, Whom do you envy?

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my why

dreams, inspiration, life, loss, Love, mywhy, parents, passion, Positive Thinking, relationships

mom and dad

Finding your Why. This concept is relatively new to me, it was introduced to me in February 2017 through my current employer. I never had a corporate job until this one, none of my previous employers asked me about my why. Truthfully I didn’t really know what it was right in the beginning, only because I had never thought of it before. Now I see that question everywhere “What is your Why” or “Finding your Why”. I don’t necessarily have just one. It’s the same way I am with picking favorites. Someone says “What’s your favorite song?” I freeze. How do I pick just one? Well I can’t, I’ve never been good at it. My mind immediately starts to weigh the differences. I go to blurt out a song and then my brain says, well wait a minute, what about this one that makes you feel this way, and so on. I used to get frustrated with myself, but then once I accepted that I don’t want to pick a favorite anything I became much happier. Everything is my favorite, and I constantly use that word when I am talking about something I love.

I will tell you though that my number one Why is my parents. I’ve touched on my losing them in some of my prior posts but it was very brief. Honestly I just wasn’t ready to write about them in one entire entry. I lost my dad in August 2015 and my mom in May 2016, their deaths were only 9 months apart. I wish I could say they were my Why for the majority of my life, but I was very selfish, and when I think about it, I was their Why while they were here on this planet, in this realm.

My parents sacrificed so much for their children. My mom and my dad were never married, they separated a few years after I was born and my dad married my step mom not too long after that. I have a brother who is 11 years older than me from my mom’s one and only marriage, and I have 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers from my dad’s one and only marriage. I am beyond grateful that my parents set aside their differences and were able to raise me together, yet apart. They were both always there for me no matter what, no matter how many times I screwed up, or treated them poorly, they were always there. They put their children’s lives before their own, time and time again, we were their Why.

And now that they are both gone, they are my ultimate Why. Losing them has taught me how precious life is, how someone’s health can change just like that, how their entire life could change or be gone just like that. I have always stood in my own way, I’ve self sabotaged multiple dreams and passions (I won’t go down that rabbit hole in this post). I have clear memories of me telling my parents about my wild ideas and what I would hope to accomplish. My mom was more fear based and a natural worrier, so her reaction was always “Sarah, I don’t know about that, what if this, this and this happens”. My dad was more encouraging, he would tell me to follow my dreams but that I would have to work hard to achieve them. I knew they always believed in me though, no matter what crazy, creative idea was swirling around in my head, they were in my corner, 100 percent.

There are some days that I don’t want to get out of bed because I miss them so much, but then I think of the disservice that that would be to them. Even though they’re gone, they’re still pushing me, maybe now more than ever. This tragic experience has taught me that I don’t have to settle, for anything, and that I shouldn’t have to. Hell I don’t want to. My dream is to help as many people as I can, touch as many lives as I can, all while being creative. This is when I’m happiest.

I know they’re here with me, guiding me along. I see and feel them, I receive signs from them, sometimes big but most times small. I see their birthdays, my mom’s birthday shows up more often than my dad’s. I talk to them. There are days when I’m not so gracious, days when I get mad because they’re not physically here. Days when I curl up and cry until my eyes are swollen and little red spots pop up all over my face. Days when I just want my mom and dad. But they are few and far between, and sacred. I don’t ever want to stop grieving them, I don’t ever want to stop missing them, and I don’t think I ever will.

They are my Why for wanting to live my best positive life and achieve my wildest dreams. I love you mom and dad.