when the universe conspires for you

gratitude, happiness, inspiration, life, loss, Positive Thinking, quotes

PauloCoelho

Something happened this past week that has left me scrambling to find meaning behind it. I am the woman who believes that everything happens for a reason, and as much as I would love to know that reason in that very moment, it usually doesn’t show itself until some time has passed. On Monday, October 22nd, I found out that my department at work is basically being dissolved within the next 6 months. I realize that this announcement probably left some people very upset. On the surface it’s unsettling news. There are hundreds of people in this department spanning the nation, and I don’t think any of us were anticipating a decision like this. I know I wasn’t. However, my immediate reaction was not panic, or disappointment or fear, in fact it was the opposite. How strange, right?

You see I have been questioning my job for the past few months. Before I found this opportunity I was hungry for a 9-5 corporate position where I could learn, grow and achieve success. Then it sort of fell into my lap, and I was happy and content with this new path, up until recently. About 10 weeks ago I started having a quarter + some life crisis. I began to notice that I was feeling unfulfilled with my current career choice. So I began listening to podcasts featuring inspirational stories. Stories about women who quit their jobs and chased their dreams. Women who are building empires and finding success doing what they love. This was truly inspiring, but I was far too scared to try anything like that. So instead of quitting I started this blog, and began envisioning what I ultimately want for Positive Aggressive. But some days I would come home so stressed out and drained from my job that I had no desire to focus on this endeavor.

Now enter the life changing news that I received on Monday. Somehow the universe conspired to do what I couldn’t. There are still many unknown variables that are in play, there will still need to be someone from our department at the office. Only this new job description may include the removal of about 90% of the former job duties. This would relieve the stress that I feel on a day to day level. Even though I was feeling that way about my job I still loved the company and the people that I worked with. Those are characteristics that aren’t always easy to find.

This sudden information made me realize that I was taking this job for granted. It was huge wake-up call in that respect. Even though I was feeling unfulfilled and not entirely happy, I ultimately was lacking gratitude for what I had in the current moment. Just 17 days ago I noticed that I needed to work on my gratitude for the job that I had, and I began to focus on positive affirmations. I surrounded myself with this message: I clearly see all there is to be grateful for in life. I acknowledge the blessings I have received in my life with gratitude.

I put this on my phone, I wrote it on a sticky note, I kept it in my email, I repeated it over and over in my head. Within 11 days the universe decided my fate for me. Within 11 days I got the notification from corporate. How crazy is that?! It gives me chills. Although I have no idea what this next 6 months will look like, I am hopeful, excited and I am grateful for all of it.

Photo Cred: Quite Contemporary

 

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being okay, with being okay.

gratitude, happiness, higher power, podcasts, Positive Thinking, quotes

girlfield

“The happiest of people don’t have the best of everything, they make the best of everything they have.”

BOOM. This powerful phrase just knocked me on my ass. I was driving home and I saw it on the church marquee near my house. I don’t practice any set religion but I have a higher power, a God of my understanding and he/she/it likes to slap profound messages in my face. And I love it. Considering I just had a major discussion with my significant other on this topic two days ago, I don’t think this marquee message is purely coincidence.

I have really been struggling lately with my happiness. For someone who believes that happiness is a choice, you might think that I would or should be happy all of the time. Or that it might be easy for me to change my feelings around and instantly be happy. I know I think that. Maybe that’s my problem. I beat myself up when I am anything but happy. The truth of the matter is that I need to be okay, with being okay. That’s hard for me. I am such an all or nothing person, so even keel doesn’t make much sense to me. At the end of the day if I’m not happy, I’m sad. But I’m not even really sad. I know deep sadness, and this isn’t it. So what am I? I’m just okay. I’m going through the motions. For some reason that is not okay with me.

Some people say to practice gratitude when you feel the way I’m feeling. It’s not that I am ungrateful. I have gratitude every single day when I open my eyes. I should not be alive. But I am. I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, fur babies that I adore, my sobriety, an amazing relationship that I’ve waited 13 years for, a hot shower every morning, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, a job to provide me with income, a car to get me to that job, best friends from home, best friends from this new city, best friends in different parts of the country and the world, family members that are there for me no matter what, and the list goes on.

If I’m being honest with myself, I haven’t felt much fulfillment lately. I’m happiest when I’m creating and helping others. Every few years my creativity comes bursting out of me, and I let it out briefly, then I stuff it back inside, and resume my daily routine. I’ve recently started listening to podcasts created by these extremely talented and fierce women. They talk about pursuing their dreams, and going after what makes them happy but also making a living out of these dreams. It really is awe inspiring to listen to their stories. However, this yearning for what they have and not being there yet myself, I believe, is the contributing factor to my not being okay with being okay. Truth is, none of these stories start out with instant success. There is typically a struggle. Always some barrier to over come. Without the struggle how can we appreciate success? They all started somewhere. This is my starting point.

New mantra: I embrace the beginning, I’m okay with where I’m at. I also have a new goal towards leading a more positive life: being okay, with being okay. What’s one of your goals that you’re working on?